Religion

"I am not a God-fearing man and that feeling is entirely mutual." - Andy Zaltzman

"Religion: it's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion." - Jon Stewart

"Wherever you find a god you'll find somebody waiting to take charge of the burnt offerings." - O. Henry

"God works in mysterious ways and God isn't taking any questions at this time." - Dan Savage

"You gotta treat God like Grandma."  - Jerron Paxton

"If childhood piety was like having chicken pox, its resurgence was like shingles -- the itching had come back decades later as pain." - Thomas Perry

“Only one thing is impossible for God: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet” – Mark Twain

"There are a lot worse things to believe in than God." -Suzanne M. Wolfe

"I think there probably is humor in heaven, or earth wouldn't look like this." - Ovidia Yu

"Some times I feel like God's favorite sitcom." - Marie-Helene Bertino

"Are you aware that there’s an abundance of recent science that actually confirms the Genesis account of creation?" - Louisiana State Senator John Milkovich (D-Shreveport), 3/29/2016

"TiVo is god in my household." -Michael Powell, Chairman of the FCC, January 2003.

"If God is in the details, then the Code of Federal Regulations and especially the Federal Register are leading candidates for secular deification." -Joe Morehead

"You don't want to read the Book of Revelation and the federal budget in one sitting. It is pretty scary." -Gene Goldsmith, (former) state representative, 42nd District of Washington

"I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth." -Bill Bryson

"A true holy book could fit on an index card, but most of the words on it haven't been invented yet." - Will Ludwigsen

"The second law of thermodynamics, simply put, is as follows: left to themselves, things tend to go to hell in a handbasket." -Cecil Adams

"In eternity, there will be no underground beatnik intellectual dive cafe's hashing phony, ambiguous 'word art' for you to lounge in and laugh it up with your cheap wine coolers and funky sexually-vague groupies." - An anonymous correspondent of the Kook's Museum.

"Don't play God.  He always wins." - Terry Pratchett

"If it were proven that there is a God, there would be no religion." - Ursula K. LeGuin

"I frankly don't care if someone thinks I'm going to hell after death and I'm not going to argue with him for the same reason I'm not going to argue with someone who believes that I'm going to the lost continent of Atlantis after dinner." - Dan Savage

"Fear prophets and those prepared to die for the truth, for as a rule they make many others die with them, often before them, at times instead of them." -Umberto Eco